When Sparks Fly: Navigating Conflict God's Way
Let’s be honest: conflict is an inescapable part of life. Whether it’s a minor disagreement with a loved one or a major dispute at work, we all encounter situations where opinions clash and emotions run high. While our natural inclination might be to avoid conflict, lash out, or nurse a grudge, the Bible offers a profoundly different and powerfully effective path to resolution.
What does the Bible say about resolving conflicts?
1. Prioritize Peacemaking and Reconciliation
Our goal should never be to “win” an argument, but to restore relationships and glorify God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)
Paul reminds us that while we can’t control others’ responses, we are responsible for our own efforts towards peace. We are called to initiate and pursue it. Don’t let pride or stubbornness get in the way. Be the first to reach out, to apologize, or to seek understanding, even if we feel we’re “right.” Our primary aim should be restoration, not vindication.
2. Address Issues Directly, Not Indirectly
The Bible encourages direct communication when there’s an offense, rather than gossiping, holding grudges, or letting resentment fester.
“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” (Matthew 18:15)
This foundational passage from Jesus outlines a clear, step-by-step approach. The first step is a private conversation. This prevents misunderstandings from escalating and protects the reputation of the other person.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
When we do speak, our words should be constructive and edifying, not destructive or accusatory. This is crucial in a conflict situation. Don’t talk about someone; talk to them. Choose the right time and place for a private conversation, and approach it with humility and a desire to understand, not just to be understood.
3. Practice Humility and Self-Examination
Often, our own pride or blind spots contribute to conflicts. The Bible calls us to look inward before casting blame.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
Before you confront someone, honestly assess your own role in the situation. Could you have contributed to the problem? Are you approaching it with a judgmental spirit?
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
This powerful passage reminds us to prioritize the other person’s perspective and well-being, even in conflict. It shifts our focus from “me” to “us.” Humbly consider our own actions and motivations. Be willing to admit when we are wrong and to apologize sincerely. Acknowledging our part can open the door for true reconciliation.
4. Be Slow to Anger and Quick to Listen
Our emotions can run high during conflict. The Bible consistently advises against rash anger and encourages thoughtful listening.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20)
Listen more than you speak, and manage your emotions.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
Our tone and words have immense power. Choose gentleness, even when you feel provoked. Before reacting, pause and pray. Ask God for wisdom and self-control. Actively listen to the other person’s perspective, seeking to truly understand their feelings and concerns, even if we disagree.
5. Extend Forgiveness
Forgiveness is at the heart of Christian conflict resolution. It’s not about condoning wrong behavior, but about releasing the bitterness and allowing healing to begin.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
We are called to extend the same grace and forgiveness that Christ has shown us. This is a command, not an option.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14)
Forgiveness is a choice, and sometimes a process. Decide to release the offense, even if the other person doesn’t apologize or acknowledge their wrong. This frees you from the burden of bitterness and resentment.
Conclusion
Conflict, while uncomfortable, can actually be an opportunity for growth, deeper understanding, and stronger relationships when handled God’s way. By prioritizing peace, communicating directly and humbly, listening attentively, and extending forgiveness, we can navigate disagreements in a manner that honors Christ and builds up one another.